A recent conversation I had in my head while getting a Saudi massage

JB: Ok, so he was a pretty big dude but this looks legit

JB: never had to wear a towel before usually just pop under the sheet

Massage Therapist: sir, yes please, towel sir, no tight

JB: Umm, uhh, oh

Massage Therapist: Like this, like this

JB: Ah, ah, ummm yup, yup I’m definitely naked, yup he just took the towel off, oh, nope, put it back on me, ok good

JB: ok, that’s cool, just warming it up before we get started, just warming up the back

JB: this is good, feelin good, feelin relaxed…..reeeeeeelaxed

JB: uh, uh, there goes the towel again, yup definitely naked again

JB: oh, uh, yup, definitely just pinched the skin between my butt cheeks….yup definitely not the butt cheeks, yup definitely between the butt cheeks, is there skin there? He’s pinching something

JB: ow, ow, shit, ow, pinching and snapping the skin all the way up my back……hmmm, feels kind of good actually…..what’s that saying again…..”why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer?, because it feels so good when I stop”…..yup kind of like that saying.

JB: ahhh that’s better, back to some more normal stuff

JB: feelin good, feelin relaxed, feelin real good

JB: hmmm, he must be employing the ancient technique known as tapotement.  Ummm, hmmm, nope, nope, definitely just hitting me……ow, ow, yup definitely hitting me.  Oh dear, I think I’m getting a spanking, yup definitely getting a spanking.  Yup he’s definitely hitting me with great force……try not to laugh, try not to laugh, don’t laugh, don’t laugh…….my mom’s in a wheelchair…….ahhh, that’s better thanks mom saved the day.

JB: oh yeah, getting relaxed, relaxed, feeling good

JB: Workin the legs, sweet, legs are tired……..uh uh uh, inner legs……uh, bingo, just touched mr. bigglesworth, yup definitely mr bigglesworth…..margaret thatcher wearing drag, margaret thatcher wearing drag, maragaret thatcher wearing drag…..whew, close call, thanks Margaret thatcher

Massage Therapist: Sir, this way, this way

JB: “Flip over?”

Massage Therapist: Sir, please, yes sir

JB: oh, there goes the towel, well, over I go, yup definitely naked sunny side up

JB: oh good, towel back on

JB: ahh good, more standard stuff, feelin good, feelin relaxed, feelin reeeeeeelaxed

JB: hmm, not too bad……..uh, there goes the hitting again, yup definitely hitting, lots of hitting, feels kind of good but definitely hitting

Massage Therapist: Ok sir, finished

JB: Thanks, that was great

Reception Desk: Thank you Mr. Blake, how was your massage

JB: Great!  You got any space tomorrow?

Reception Desk: Tomorrow sir?  Yes sir, no problem, how is 3pm

JB: Perfect, see you then.

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  1. One of the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time! Keep writing Jazz! :)

  2. Holy Crap, Jasper. I was feeling tired and kinda lousy this morning, but this made me laugh myslef into feeling pretty decent. You are one funny Dude. Thanks!

  3. I’d say you spend way too much time in your head…LOL.

    BTW…congrats on the new addition. Love the name…my Mom is named Ruby…age 89 and going strong.may your little Ruby have the same zest for life as mine does!!

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