JB: Hey Batman, what’s up?  What are you doing here?

BM: Man, I had the worst day.  I had one of those days where everything just seemed to go south.  I’m so depressed!

JB: Dude, you’re bringing us all down here.  Why don’t you start by taking off that ridiculous outfit.  Shit man, you even have fake pointy ear things on top of that helmet or whatever it is.  You know you’re way cooler as Bruce Wayne and besides, everyone knows who you are now anyway.  Do you really think people can’t tell it’s you under that costume.  That helmet thing only covers half your face-it’s ridiculous dude, grow up.

BM: Whoa!  I came here for a little support man.  What’s your problem?  I just wanted to talk about my day.

JB:  I’m sorry man but we’re all just tired of you walking around like that.  You’re 48 years old dude….crime fighting days are over.  The Joker died 15 years ago and you haven’t had to do anything since.  You’re still wearing the same outfit and for some reason you think it’s a good idea to put it on every day.  It’s full of holes and smells like moth balls and it’s 3 sizes to small.  Get a life man.

BM:  You know, I think this is exactly what I needed, someone to tell it to me straight.  I’ve felt so lost for the last 15 years.

JB:  Dude, you’re like one of my best buddies, I just hate seeing you like this.  For crying out loud man, you’re a billionaire.  You’re family has been in the arms business since you were  a kid…..do something productive there, build some weapons or something.  Whatever you do just stop trying to be Batman, it’s embarrassing everyone.  When was the last time you went on a date?

BM:  I haven’t been on a date in years.

JB:  You know why?

BM: No

JB: Because every time you try and ask someone out on a date your dressed up like a bat!

BM: hmmm

JB: Do the math buddy, women your age aren’t into that shit anymore.  They want the man under the bat costume….they want Bruce Wayne!

BM: hmmmmm

JB: Now go home, take a shower, shave the stubble off your face and come back in an hour, I’ll invite over some ladies and we’ll play Beattles rock band.

BM: Jazz, you sure are a good friend, thanks for taking the time.

JB: Shut up and go shower, you smell like you fell into one of those portapotties.

BM: hmmmm, actually I did…..I dropped one of my Bat shaped ninja stars from my utility belt

JB: Dude you’re killing me here, you actually went into a portapotty after one of your bat ninja stars?  Don’t you have hundreds of those things?

BM: Ummm yeah, i have over 1000 of them- it was my favorite one.

JB: I’m lost for words- go take a shower and be back in an hour

BM: Are we cool?

JB: Yeah we’re cool.

BM: See ya buddy

JB: See ya bud….good chatting.

Dear Blog,

It’s me again.  I know it’s going to be a bit awkward but I’m hoping you won’t mind if Twitter comes to live with us for a bit.  We can treat it like a fun experiment, you know, kind of like Three’s Company.  Don’t worry, she doesn’t say much, in fact she never says more than 140 letters at a time including spaces…..I know, I know, it’s a totally bizarre way to communicate but between you and me I think she is a few fries short of a happy meal.

Hopefully you can learn to accept these new living arrangements but again, i will stress that you really do not have any choice in the matter.

Love Jasper

Dear Blog,

Please take me back.  I’ve realized that there really is not much depth to twitter.  She only wants short conversations that don’t really go anywhere.  She seems only interested in the trivial things I do during the day and if I talk too much she cuts me off which is kind of rude.  It’s like she’s playing hard to get and I will admit that I do find that oddly intriguing.  That said, I miss the connection we had at a deeper level.  I’m hoping that I can use twitter for quick flings when I am looking for excitement but I am still interested in a long term relationship with you.

Twitter and I have very passionate chemistry.  You and I have that nurturing kind of relationship that makes me appreciate home and comfort and security.  I am so conflicted because at the moment I want both of these things in my life.  Twitter is so exciting and unpredictable, like a firefly.  You are more like a hippopotamus….big, strong, rooted to the ground and fun to cuddle with.

I know you are not really into open relationships but you really don’t have much choice.

Love Jasper

Dear Blog,

I’ve discovered Twitter.  We’re breaking up.

Love Jasper