JB: Ok, so he was a pretty big dude but this looks legit

JB: never had to wear a towel before usually just pop under the sheet

Massage Therapist: sir, yes please, towel sir, no tight

JB: Umm, uhh, oh

Massage Therapist: Like this, like this

JB: Ah, ah, ummm yup, yup I’m definitely naked, yup he just took the towel off, oh, nope, put it back on me, ok good

JB: ok, that’s cool, just warming it up before we get started, just warming up the back

JB: this is good, feelin good, feelin relaxed…..reeeeeeelaxed

JB: uh, uh, there goes the towel again, yup definitely naked again

JB: oh, uh, yup, definitely just pinched the skin between my butt cheeks….yup definitely not the butt cheeks, yup definitely between the butt cheeks, is there skin there? He’s pinching something

JB: ow, ow, shit, ow, pinching and snapping the skin all the way up my back……hmmm, feels kind of good actually…..what’s that saying again…..”why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer?, because it feels so good when I stop”…..yup kind of like that saying.

JB: ahhh that’s better, back to some more normal stuff

JB: feelin good, feelin relaxed, feelin real good

JB: hmmm, he must be employing the ancient technique known as tapotement.  Ummm, hmmm, nope, nope, definitely just hitting me……ow, ow, yup definitely hitting me.  Oh dear, I think I’m getting a spanking, yup definitely getting a spanking.  Yup he’s definitely hitting me with great force……try not to laugh, try not to laugh, don’t laugh, don’t laugh…….my mom’s in a wheelchair…….ahhh, that’s better thanks mom saved the day.

JB: oh yeah, getting relaxed, relaxed, feeling good

JB: Workin the legs, sweet, legs are tired……..uh uh uh, inner legs……uh, bingo, just touched mr. bigglesworth, yup definitely mr bigglesworth…..margaret thatcher wearing drag, margaret thatcher wearing drag, maragaret thatcher wearing drag…..whew, close call, thanks Margaret thatcher

Massage Therapist: Sir, this way, this way

JB: “Flip over?”

Massage Therapist: Sir, please, yes sir

JB: oh, there goes the towel, well, over I go, yup definitely naked sunny side up

JB: oh good, towel back on

JB: ahh good, more standard stuff, feelin good, feelin relaxed, feelin reeeeeeelaxed

JB: hmm, not too bad……..uh, there goes the hitting again, yup definitely hitting, lots of hitting, feels kind of good but definitely hitting

Massage Therapist: Ok sir, finished

JB: Thanks, that was great

Reception Desk: Thank you Mr. Blake, how was your massage

JB: Great!  You got any space tomorrow?

Reception Desk: Tomorrow sir?  Yes sir, no problem, how is 3pm

JB: Perfect, see you then.

SM: Jazz, I need to talk, it’s about Lois.

JB: Yeah, what’s up?

SM: I’m sensing some distance, it’s like she’s just not that into me anymore

JB: Dude, I hate to break it to you but she’s been married to another guy for over 4 years

SM: Yeah so what’s your point?

JB: She left you 4 years ago for another man, that’s my point.

SM: I think she still loves me.

JB: She got a restraining order against you, I think it’s safe to say she doesn’t really love you anymore.

SM: I think that restraining order was her way of telling me she loves me

JB: Ummmm, I think I distinctly remember her saying that she hates your guts and never wants to see you again and wishes you would “fly your ass back to Krypton, crawl into a hole and die”

SM: Yeah but that was over a week ago

JB: Sit down for a second Superman.  I’m going to give it to you straight.  LOIS DOES NOT LOVE YOU ANYMORE!  You have to let this one go, she’s moved on.  You haven’t been with her for over 5 years, she moved to a different state, got a restraining order and hired Lex Luthor as her personal body guard to keep you away.  She even wears a Kryptonite vest just in case you ever decide to come around.

SM:  I think it’s just her way of saying she’s still into me

JB: Ummm, no, no it’s not.

SM: She seems so unhappy though

JB: She’s happier than she’s been in years.  She has three kids with another man, she’s a successful journalist for the New York times, she won a Pulitzer prize for her book “Superman the Life and Times of a Douchebag” and she was made a Dame of the British Royal Empire and she’s not even British.

SM: Yeah but I’m Superman

JB: Superman, you’re one of my best friends but you need to take a close look at yourself?  You’re an ass!  You fly around like you own the world.  You’re a womanizing, pot smoking drunk during the day and you egg people’s houses at night.  You’re cheap as hell……in fact you’ve even sent me an invoice after I came over to your place for dinner one night.

SM: Those steaks were expensive man.

JB: You need to quit being such an ass.

SM: But what about my ability to fly and my super cooling breath that can freeze water and my eyes that can burn through steel like laser beams?

JB: These are all things that you can do and granted they are really cool but it’s who’s inside that counts.  It’s what kind of person you are that really matters, not your laser beam eyes….that shit is getting old and this conversation is starting to piss me off.

SM: Do you want to come over later and hang out?

JB:  Sure dude, that would be fun.

SM: Great, I’ll see if Lois wants to come.

Woman:  What the hell are you doing in here?  This is the Ladies washroom you creep

JB: Uhhhh, oh yeah….sorry.

Woman:  Were you peeing in the sink?

JB: Oh, that’s a sink?

Woman: Get out you jerk!!