http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/cambridgeshire/8493238.stm
Wow
February 2nd, 2010Dude is HILARIOUS!
February 1st, 2010Huge Hose
February 1st, 2010Roger Federer
January 30th, 2010Federer plays in 3.5 hours, we have a DVR, Federer is the new Brett Favre
When a company sends you a bill….let’s say Teresan Gas….and it says CR beside the amount you owe, this does not mean that you owe that amount, it means your account is that much overpaid as in you have a credit. Of course if you pay that amount, the next bill will show twice the previous amount as CR as well and if you pay that amount…..and so on…….I’m such a dumbass….we now have a $407.00 credit balance with Teresan Gas. Every time the bill has been coming over the past few months i get more and more perplexed as to why we are using so much gas and how every month we seem to be using more and more and more.
Why am I in charge of our household payments?
A recent conversation I had with Superman
January 28th, 2010SM: Jazz, I need to talk, it’s about Lois.
JB: Yeah, what’s up?
SM: I’m sensing some distance, it’s like she’s just not that into me anymore
JB: Dude, I hate to break it to you but she’s been married to another guy for over 4 years
SM: Yeah so what’s your point?
JB: She left you 4 years ago for another man, that’s my point.
SM: I think she still loves me.
JB: She got a restraining order against you, I think it’s safe to say she doesn’t really love you anymore.
SM: I think that restraining order was her way of telling me she loves me
JB: Ummmm, I think I distinctly remember her saying that she hates your guts and never wants to see you again and wishes you would “fly your ass back to Krypton, crawl into a hole and die”
SM: Yeah but that was over a week ago
JB: Sit down for a second Superman. I’m going to give it to you straight. LOIS DOES NOT LOVE YOU ANYMORE! You have to let this one go, she’s moved on. You haven’t been with her for over 5 years, she moved to a different state, got a restraining order and hired Lex Luthor as her personal body guard to keep you away. She even wears a Kryptonite vest just in case you ever decide to come around.
SM: I think it’s just her way of saying she’s still into me
JB: Ummm, no, no it’s not.
SM: She seems so unhappy though
JB: She’s happier than she’s been in years. She has three kids with another man, she’s a successful journalist for the New York times, she won a Pulitzer prize for her book “Superman the Life and Times of a Douchebag” and she was made a Dame of the British Royal Empire and she’s not even British.
SM: Yeah but I’m Superman
JB: Superman, you’re one of my best friends but you need to take a close look at yourself? You’re an ass! You fly around like you own the world. You’re a womanizing, pot smoking drunk during the day and you egg people’s houses at night. You’re cheap as hell……in fact you’ve even sent me an invoice after I came over to your place for dinner one night.
SM: Those steaks were expensive man.
JB: You need to quit being such an ass.
SM: But what about my ability to fly and my super cooling breath that can freeze water and my eyes that can burn through steel like laser beams?
JB: These are all things that you can do and granted they are really cool but it’s who’s inside that counts. It’s what kind of person you are that really matters, not your laser beam eyes….that shit is getting old and this conversation is starting to piss me off.
SM: Do you want to come over later and hang out?
JB: Sure dude, that would be fun.
SM: Great, I’ll see if Lois wants to come.
Stan Hayer and the Men’s Ski Cross Team
January 26th, 2010It was without a doubt the highlight of my day today to read about Stan Hayer and the Men’s Ski Cross Team. Stan is an old racing buddy I grew up with in Kimberley. He had a heck of a career on the National Ski team, mostly as a Slalom skier. Since then he’s been rippin it up on the World Cup Ski Cross scene. I did some investigating and found that there are a few guys on that team I used to race with….Cam Culbert, Nik Zoricic, Dave Duncan.
When we were growing up Ski cross wasn’t even invented unless you consider knowing every trail and jump on the hill our own version of it. These dudes were all cutting it up on the FIS scene when i was racing….a couple of the guys quite a bit younger but all of them brilliant athletes. They had a feel for the snow and a knack for speed. To see them kicking ass in Ski Cross brings the biggest smile to my face. My old coach Jurg Gfeller always used to say “the dream never dies”. These guys are cranking it in a sport we all grew up loving. Well into their 30’s I’m sure they’ve been told several times to hang it up but they obviously aren’t interested in hearing it.
So to the boys of the Canadian Ski Cross Team- I salute you. I’ll be a regular visitor to the Ski Cross website: http://www.ski-cross.ca and I can’t wait to watch you in Vancouver!
I flew into YVR last night and the Olympic vibe is buzzing…..can’t wait to watch.
A recent conversation I had with a woman
January 24th, 2010Woman: What the hell are you doing in here? This is the Ladies washroom you creep
JB: Uhhhh, oh yeah….sorry.
Woman: Were you peeing in the sink?
JB: Oh, that’s a sink?
Woman: Get out you jerk!!
PISE Youth Triathlon and Cycling Camps
January 20th, 2010This was forwarded to my by the director the PISE center here in Victoria- A great opportunity to get kids out learning and participating in the sport.
Youth Triathlon Camp Ages 12 – 15—training to train
Our spring break triathlon training camp will work on skill and technique development for all three sports. Under the direction of a Kids of Steel coach, the PISE Youth Triathlon Camp will help kids get a grasp on how to prepare for races, be confident in their skills, and lay the foundations for a great triathlon season! This program will include strength & conditioning; testing; educational talks; guest coaches; technical skill development; and lots of fun! Cycling and running gear is mandatory.
Instructor: Kelly Guest
Monday – Friday 8:30am – 4:00pm
March 8 – 12 250 ($265)/5 sessions
YOUTH TECHNICAL TRIATHLON CLINIC
Ages 7-10–learning to train
Are you interested in learning about Triathlon but unsure where to begin? Then this once a week clinic is ideal for you! This clinic will introduce you into the sport of Triathlon running and cycling, in a safe and fun environment. This hour and half clinic will include: learning technical development skills in cycling and running, educational sport videos and guest speakers. Required equipment: Bicycle, helmet and running shoes!
Please note: this session does not include swimming sessions.
Instructor: Kelly Guest
Saturdays 2:00 – 3:30pm
February 6 – 27 $60 ($75)/4 sessions
Youth Cycling Camp Ages 14-16–training to train
This spring break program will teach kids to learn how to train, improve your riding skills, learn how to become a better and stronger cyclist, all under the guidance of the cycling experts at Pacific Cycling Centre. The Youth Cycling Camp will feature: technical riding skills instruction for road &/or mountain biking; educational talks; strength & conditioning sessions; field testing; and ongoing feedback throughout.
Instructor: Houshang Amiri, Ch.P.C.
Road Biking
Monday – Wednesday 8:30am – 4:00pm
March 8 – 10 $200 ($215)/3 sessions
Mountain Biking
Wednesday – Friday 8:30am – 4:00pm
March 10 – 12 $200 ($215)/3 sessions
Mountain & Road Biking
Monday – Friday 8:30am – 4:00pm
March 8 – 12 $300 ($315)/5 sessions
FOR MORE DETAILS OR TO REGISTER CONTACT US AT 250.220.2510 OR WWW.PISEWORLD.COM
A recent conversation I had with Batman
January 18th, 2010JB: Hey Batman, what’s up? What are you doing here?
BM: Man, I had the worst day. I had one of those days where everything just seemed to go south. I’m so depressed!
JB: Dude, you’re bringing us all down here. Why don’t you start by taking off that ridiculous outfit. Shit man, you even have fake pointy ear things on top of that helmet or whatever it is. You know you’re way cooler as Bruce Wayne and besides, everyone knows who you are now anyway. Do you really think people can’t tell it’s you under that costume. That helmet thing only covers half your face-it’s ridiculous dude, grow up.
BM: Whoa! I came here for a little support man. What’s your problem? I just wanted to talk about my day.
JB: I’m sorry man but we’re all just tired of you walking around like that. You’re 48 years old dude….crime fighting days are over. The Joker died 15 years ago and you haven’t had to do anything since. You’re still wearing the same outfit and for some reason you think it’s a good idea to put it on every day. It’s full of holes and smells like moth balls and it’s 3 sizes to small. Get a life man.
BM: You know, I think this is exactly what I needed, someone to tell it to me straight. I’ve felt so lost for the last 15 years.
JB: Dude, you’re like one of my best buddies, I just hate seeing you like this. For crying out loud man, you’re a billionaire. You’re family has been in the arms business since you were a kid…..do something productive there, build some weapons or something. Whatever you do just stop trying to be Batman, it’s embarrassing everyone. When was the last time you went on a date?
BM: I haven’t been on a date in years.
JB: You know why?
BM: No
JB: Because every time you try and ask someone out on a date your dressed up like a bat!
BM: hmmm
JB: Do the math buddy, women your age aren’t into that shit anymore. They want the man under the bat costume….they want Bruce Wayne!
BM: hmmmmm
JB: Now go home, take a shower, shave the stubble off your face and come back in an hour, I’ll invite over some ladies and we’ll play Beattles rock band.
BM: Jazz, you sure are a good friend, thanks for taking the time.
JB: Shut up and go shower, you smell like you fell into one of those portapotties.
BM: hmmmm, actually I did…..I dropped one of my Bat shaped ninja stars from my utility belt
JB: Dude you’re killing me here, you actually went into a portapotty after one of your bat ninja stars? Don’t you have hundreds of those things?
BM: Ummm yeah, i have over 1000 of them- it was my favorite one.
JB: I’m lost for words- go take a shower and be back in an hour
BM: Are we cool?
JB: Yeah we’re cool.
BM: See ya buddy
JB: See ya bud….good chatting.
Dad at the beach
January 17th, 2010Saw my Dad at the beach today. “Hey Dad, nice chain man”
